I am an anchor.

    In October I cut my finger and it was quite gory. Stitches, blood, the works. I cut my ring finger, the glass sliced right under my wedding ring, and the ring was off for about 2 months. One day, excited to see how much the swelling had gone down, I slipped the ring on and it got stuck. Oh. Giant wad of scar tissue. I bought a dinky sterling silver ring that fit and I slipped it over the lump. It fit, but 2 hours later I had swelling and an electric sort of nerve pain and numbness up my pinky. Nope. Yada-yada-yada....... I decided a tattoo was the answer (isn't it always?).

   So I got this little dude. An anchor, right up there on franken-finger. An anchor, I decided, was about stability. An anchor is the life I've made and the way it ties me to the earth. In my darkest moments I have said and felt that I was a ship without an anchor but that feeling hasn't happened for a quite a little while. An anchor, or the thought of one, felt like safety. So, I went in one sunny Friday. The artist asked if my husband was in the Coast Guard and I said no. He gave me a funny look, shrugged and continued. The finger is one of the worst places to get a tattoo, in my opinion, for SO many reasons, but I did it anyway.

     Today I decided that I am the anchor. I was walking in the forest and thinking. In January, I made sort of a goal. I mean truly, it was New Years resolution, a silent, mildly embarrassing one. I am of the mind that self-improvement shouldn't be something vaguely grasped at in a brief and feverish rush from January 1st through the 15th. But I made one, and it was to strive to be someone that I admired. I haven't always been, but I know that I could be someone brave, and kind and full of goodness. Someone silly and fun. Someone, honest, with myself most of all.

    I was feeling sort of discouraged, because I felt that I had been falling short on my goal. You see, my life has been a bit.... bewildering lately. There have been events and even circumstances, and I feel that I haven't done as good of a job rising to the occasion as I know myself capable of...... But, there I was, walking in the woods alone, standing up, feeling rather okay in general. I had bear spray, a paperback and a banana in my purse and the afternoon was mine. As the sun made all the new growth, wild ginger and salal, shine an almost fluorescent green, I realized that I was the anchor. The things happening around me, weren't me. I realized that even though I may not have the events and circumstances that I would prefer, I could have the SELF that I admired. My circumstances, the things around me, they are not the anchor. My self is the anchor and I am strong, and sunk deep enough. So my ship will ride the storm out, carrying all the things it's made out of, even though the waves beat against it. 

    That's something I know today, that I didn't know yesterday.

 

A Whale Hunt

    A few days ago we heard that a whale had washed ashore near where we live. Today we set off in search of it. He is a 22-ft long juvenile grey whale who met his end during his pod's annual migration North. We finally found him. The kids were fascinated, and grossed out.

Spring is here!

  Spring made a definite arrival this week (for now). We live in the wettest region of the United States, so we made the best of it!! Rain will be here before we know it. We hiked around Black Lake and caught toxic western newts (but didn't eat any). 

Love and peace! Hope you are loving Spring as much as we are.

A good day to climb a mountain...

    Happy 2014! Today we climbed a mountain. Saddle Mountain, to be specific. It was the perfect temperature, no rain. So beautiful! 

    Saddle Mountain is the tallest mountain in Clatsop Co., Oregon. The tallest summit reaches 3,288 feet in elevation. The trail is 6 miles, round trip, with an elevation gain of 1,603 feet.

    The views are spectacular, but the trail can be very dangerous. Many hikers who have left the trail for that perfect photo have fallen to their death. It was a bit terrifying at certain points, and the kids were brought to the limits of their hiking abilities. We took lots of pit stops and kept hydrated.

    Avalon was such a trooper, but needed a lot of breaks. Hard to believe that just a year ago, small walks were physically difficult for her. She has come such a long way!

  The scariest part was the "saddle" of the mountain which is the dip between the two peaks. The mountain is made of basalt, and the trail was reinforced with cyclone-fencing type material to prevent erosion and to help hikers maintain their footing. I kept a death grip on Avalon and Josh herded/held on to Poppy and Flynn. Some very tense moments as we climbed the summit.

    We persevered, and were treated to a stunning view. From the peak, we could see the entire coastline, all the way to Washington and down toward Cannon Beach. We could see Hood, Adams, Rainier and Helens. Very glad that we made the ascent on a relatively clear, cool day. Many hikers who passed us on the way up, passed us again just as we reached the top. It was so cool to see the look of surprise on their faces as they saw that my little ones had made it.  

    Once again, Hildebrandt kids kicked ass and took names! I am so proud of how hard they worked to reach the top of the mountain, and I now know that they are capable of longer, harder hikes. I also have ammunition the next time one of them starts complaining of tired legs when we walk to the post office ("Seriously? You climbed a mountain, kid. Suck it up buttercup.") What a gorgeous day we had.